Friday, June 24, 2011

I scored?

I met one of my mothers-in-law last weekend. Meaning my mother-in-law has 3 sisters who in turn become my mothers-in-law more like aunts-in-law. But it strikes only when they refer me as THEIR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW!
Remember Indian marriages? It is not a marriage between a boy and a girl; it is the marriage, the union of the two FAMILIES more importantly! Read Chetan Bhagat’s Two states? Nobody cares if the girl boy like each other, the families have to like each other. So it makes sense I am the daughter-in-law of the whole family! And the expectations are equal from all; there are no levels of rights in demanding respect or anything. An aunt-in-law is just as important as THE original mother-in-law.
I am just saying what I realized over the weekend; that no matter what, an Indian woman has to carry off the burden of both, her original family and her new family in regard to respect, expectations & social status.
The aunt-in-law who saw me for the first time was over-delighted to meet me, know me! In India, no matter how much a woman is educated, she shouldn’t show how smart or intelligent she is! Down to earth is not the right term, more like timid is what is expected! So the aunt-in-law was very glad that I was educated, from a good family yet so friendly and down to earth (not timid), following traditional things like touching her feet for blessings. There is no complain here about her, but the realization of how many expectations a girl has to satisfy in our society! It feels good to know that someone likes you at the first meet; but does it count that much?
Technically, my relation should be closest to my husband and his parents & siblings, anyone beyond them should be secondary! In reality it does not go like that. Now this aunt-in-law will spread good words about me which will directly make my in-laws and my husband look good in the so called ‘society’ that we have to constantly impress, even if we have to pretend! Not to mention how it looks good on my own parents! They would be blessed to have a daughter like me, bringing in good name to them! That is all that matters in our ‘society’!
How come we don’t have so many levels to impress for men? Sons-in-law are GODS here! We are a hybrid couple trying to get away from these old traditional rules to impress society trying to make our own way of living! It’s good to have a husband who realizes all this is bogus and does not need attention!


  1. Wow it must be so difficult to always live under so much pressure. You got all my respect and also most Indian women got lots of respect in my eyes...the Indian men not so much :D, it all comes to them for free...and this is coming from a Western guy.

  2. Well, that is society and customs we built for us.

  3. aahhh yes... the in-law drama... most important yet terribly hectic...

    well we people are social way too much... so this is what we have to put up with...

  4. Pretty convenient from a guy's perspective isn't it?

  5. I can totally relate to what you are saying, in the sense, being well qualified for a girl in India many a times translates to - "The girl is snobbish and has an attitude". You know me well enough, Shilpa to know how much of an attitude I would really care to throw. Unfortunately, I have been branded that already by certain (read-relatives) individuals. To top it, me being single yet, gives them reasons to re-affirm their judgement. :) Take a break, people !

  6. @FF - There is an awesome way to shut their mouth. They are just super jealous of your FREEDOM being single! ;) I am sure that is sooooo true!
    If they really cared why would they not let you be happy the way you wish to? Be it single or committed. The choice should be YOURS! It's your life!